So you want to make some quick, easy money. Of course you do – you’re Maltese, after all. If you’ve got some property you inherited or bought on the cheap years ago, renting it out is a great way to bring in the cash without actually doing anything. But being a landlord isn’t easy, so here’s a quick guide to starting out.
Provide old appliances
Why provide your tenants with the latest ovens and washing machines when old ones work just fine? Sure, they’re less energy efficient, but that isn’t your problem because you aren’t paying the bills (which you should inflate to milk even more money our of your tenants). And a bit of rust never hurt anyone anyway.
Old everything in general
You could furnish the flat(s) you’re renting with reasonably priced stuff from IKEA. Or you could just fill the place with worn-out pine furniture from the 90s and your children’s old beds.
Blame tenants when old appliances break down
The washing machine didn’t stop working because it’s 20 years old. It stopped working because an irresponsible tenant overloaded it with one sock too many.
Take your sweet time
Did the lift stop working? Your tenants can still walk up the stairs. Unless you broke their kneecaps because they didn’t pay rent on time. Which brings us neatly too…
Don’t bother with manners
Your tenants are inferior human beings, especially if they’re foreign, and even more especially if they’re from Africa or Asia. This means it’s completely fine to treat them like rubbish. So go ahead and threaten them verbally. Assault them physically. Break down the door of your own property and then tell the tenants they’ll have to pay for it. Go wild. The police will probably side with you, if they even turn up.
Raise the rent abruptly
“Heqq, inflation hux.”
Spy on your tenants
You didn’t ask them anything about themselves when they first viewed the place, because the most important thing was getting their money, so you’ll need to keep an eye on them. You can’t trust foreigners, after all. You can do this in several ways: collect their rent in person so you can have a quick snoop; visit the flat when they aren’t in (it only goes against the contract if they find out), or install hidden cameras.
Don’t register the contract with the Housing Authority
Paying taxes is for losers.
