An undead man wishes people who are against abortion cared about him as much as they do about the unborn.
26-year-old Mark Tabone from Attard was bitten three years ago by an undead tourist. Since then, he has lived as an outcast, ostracised from society.
“Because my flesh is all putrid and hanging off my body, it’s very difficult to live a normal life. I can’t get a job and no one wants to be friends with me,” Tabone told Bis-Serjetà, adding that the Hollywood depiction of zombies as mindless monsters was grossly inaccurate.
“Yes, I smell bad, but I can still carry a conversation just fine, and my favourite food is pizza, actually.”
Tabone said he was upset at the lack of support for zombies in Maltese society.
“You have all these people like Paul Vincenti and Ivan Grech Mintoff fighting for the rights of the unborn, but what about the undead? Why should a potential human, one that doesn’t even exist yet, get more attention than one who was alive and well until recently?
“In fact, if there’s something that doesn’t have a functioning brain or the capacity to experience emotion, it’s a four-week-old foetus, not a zombie. And have you ever seen an early-stage embryo? They look scarier than I do,” he said.
“Also, they say they’re defending those who don’t have a voice. But can you imagine how dull a conversation with an embryo would be if it had a voice?’ ‘Hey man, what you been up to?’ ‘Nothing much, just chilling in my membrane sac.’ ‘Cool, any plans for the weekend? ‘Dunno, might grow an arm I guess.’ At least I’ve had a life.”
Tabone encouraged pro-life groups to begin advocating for the rights of the undead.
“Otherwise people might start to think you stop caring about the welfare of babies once they’re out of the womb and vulnerable to zombie attacks.”
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