The United States is celebrating today, after it became the country with the highest number of Covid-19 cases in the world.
Following news that the US had overtaken China with more than 82,000 cases of the coronavirus, thousands of Americans spilled out into the streets of New York City, Washington DC, Chicago and others, with the familiar chant of “USA! USA!” echoing through the air.
“Yeah! Yet another thing that America is Number One in! Suck it China and Italy” said one flag-waving reveller in New York City’s Time Square, where a giant screen showing the John Hopkins University real-time Covid-19 tracker had been set up especially for the occasion.
“I’ve been coughing and sneezing on people all week so I’m glad my efforts paid off and this great country is at the top where it belongs,” said a woman who attended a street party in front of the White House that lasted well into the early hours of the morning.
“Those Chinese people may have made the virus when they fucked a bat or whatever, but now it’s ours and there’s nothing they can do about it,” said another man in Texas before firing an AR-15 rifle into the air.
Meanwhile, US President Donald Trump reacted to the news with a typically self-congratulatory tweet.
“Thanks to my efforts, America has taken its rightful place at the top of the Covid-19 Chinese virus table. Tremendous numbers. Very proud moment!” he wrote.
According to White House sources, President Trump is pressing the US military to carry out a nuclear strike on China to prevent it from ever reclaiming top spot.
Following last night’s celebrations, another 10,000 cases were reported this morning.
