A man who works in Valletta was surprised to learn he has been receiving oral sex from a stranger in Europe’s third-worst public toilet.
The worker, who wishes to remain anonymous, was reacting to an article on The Times of Malta that in turn cited a study that the capital’s public toilets were among the continent’s most poorly rated on Google Reviews.
“Every Thursday evening after work I walk down to the public toilets at Lower Barrakka Garden, enter one of the cubicles, put my penis into the hole that’s in the partition, and receive a blow job from a complete stranger in the adjacent cubicle,” the man said.
“I have no idea why people would give the place such bad reviews. I always find the toilets clean. The diameter of the glory hole is big enough to accommodate penises of varying sizes, and has been sanded down to prevent splinters. I guess it might be too high for some people but that’s what the stepping stool is for. The graffiti on the walls is not too obscene – just enough to turn me on. And there’s always enough toilet paper to wipe off the semen and saliva before I head home to my wife and kids,” he continued.
“Not to mention the fact that the stranger always tells me “Hallelujah praise be to God” at the end, which is nice.”
The man said he could not understand what public toilets in Europe had that Valletta’s didn’t.
“Heated glory holes? Some machine to massage your balls? Complimentary mints to hide the smell of cock? An attendant who joins in? I’d expect at least some of those things in Japan, but I’ve never encountered anything like that on my work trips to Brussels and so on.”
The man said he was worried the negative reviews might affect the whole experience going forward.
“You know how it is – you read one negative review of something and you start having doubts. Maybe from now on I won’t enjoy the stroll down to the toilets from the parliament building. Oh shit – you’re not going to include that, are you?” he said.
