According to a European report that monitors the changing habits of drug users, the use of cocaine is widespread in Malta, even at events such as weddings and baptisms.
While this comes as a surprise to absolutely no one who lives here, a baptism still seems like an odd place to take cocaine, so we spoke to several users to find out why they do it.
“Bro, if your son getting accepted into the biggest religion in the world and being cleansed of original sin aren’t good reasons to do a line, then I don’t know what is.” – Dominic Grima, father.
“Wait, someone told me it was part of the baptism ritual. Were they lying? I’d never even smoked weed before. My heart is beating really fast but I feel great. You know what? I should be the one performing the baptism. I am God.” – Diane Schembri, godmother
“Something about seeing an infant get freed from the clutches of Satan really gets me pumped, you know? Actually, I do a different drug depending on the event. For example, at funerals I take ecstasy because I feel like that’s a good time to hug people.” Michael Borg, friend of the family
“Where am I?” – A random man who stumbled into the church after spending an entire night doing coke in Paceville
“You try doing 10 baptisms in a day without getting completely exhausted.” – Fr David Muscat
“It’s the only way to deal with the pain of being alive.” – Noah Spiteri, baby
“Father David gave me some.” – Luca Bonello, altar boy
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