A sperm cell has pleaded with Maltese anti-choice activists to include it in their definition of life.
Activists campaigning against the legalisation of abortion in Malta insist life begins at conception, but one sperm cell says they should go even further back.
Speaking from the face of River of Love’s Pastor Gordon Manche, upon which it had just been ejaculated, the sperm said:
“It’s not fair that life before conception isn’t considered. You never see Peppi Azzopardi bringing out a plastic model of a monstrously oversized spermatozoa on TV.”
The sperm cell said hundreds of thousands of its kind were massacred every day, meeting a miserable end in tissues and crusty old socks.
“Some would argue we aren’t alive, but if we aren’t alive, why is a one-second-old embryo, or even a four-week old fetus the size of a poppy seed, considered to be alive?”
The cell called on Maltese anti-abortion groups to campaign for a ban on male masturbation, anal sex and ejaculation anywhere but the vagina.
“It may be too late for me, as I’ll soon be wiped off this weird-looking religious nut job’s nose and thrown into a bin, but my comrades have a right to at least try and make it to an egg. All life is sacred!
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