Neville Gafa is arguably Malta’s greatest enigma, more mysterious than the fact that Xarabank is still on air.
But after months of denials and evasiveness, yesterday Joseph Muscat finally admitted that Gafa has been employed by the government since last January, although his precise role remains unclear.
“While I’m admitting to this, I may as well come clean about a few other things I’ve uncovered since becoming Prime Minister,” he told journalists.
Here are four other things Joseph Muscat said he has discovered…
1. The Ark of the Covenant
The Ark of the Covenant is probably history’s most famous lost relic. Formerly Housed in the Temple of Solomon, the Ark was a beautiful gold-covered wooden chest designed by God himself, and contained the two stone tablets of the Ten Commandments. But after the Babylonians sacked Jerusalem in 587 BC, it was never again mentioned in historical records.
While answering a Parliamentary Question yesterday, Muscat admitted he had found the Ark in a disused room in the tunnels beneath Castille, after it was presumably brought to Malta by the Knights of St John. It is now being used as a coffee table.
“I didn’t think the stone tablets were worth much, so I gave them to Sandro Chetcuti to use as paving slabs for his garden,” Muscat said.
2. The crew of the Mary Celeste
On December 5, 1872, an undamaged and well provisioned merchant ship called the Mary Celeste was found adrift and abandoned off the Azores islands in the Atlantic Ocean. There were few clues about what had happened to the ship’s crew, and they were never seen or heard from again.
Until yesterday, that is, when Muscat revealed the crew had made a pact with the Devil to extent their lives, rowed to Malta in a lifeboat and were now working at the Maritime Authority.
3. The cure for HIV/AIDS
Since the AIDS epidemic of the 1980s, 39 million people have died after contracting the virus. And while survival rates have greatly increased since then, scientists have yet to find a cure for the disease.
During the same parliamentary session, Muscat said he had recently completed a Phd in virology at the American University of Malta, and had successfully found a cure for AIDS in his spare time.
“Unfortunately I sold the cure to Vitals Global Healthcare, who have decided not to make it available to the public,” Muscat said.
4. The true owner of Egrant
“After conducting my own investigation into the ownership of Egrant, which involved scouring the entirety of Malta with a magnifying glass, I now have definitive proof as to who the real owner is. However, I can’t tell you who it is because it’s super secret,” Muscat concluded.
