Brave Americans who stormed Area 51 yesterday in the hope of seeing aliens were left bitterly disappointed, after discovering that the top-secret military site’s only non-human resident was former Maltese Opposition leader Simon Busuttil.
While the facility’s guards were distracted by hundreds of Naruto runners charging towards them, a small band of alien enthusiasts dug a tunnel underneath the perimeter fence and up into the main building.
“Once we were inside we immediately started looking for them aliens,” squad leader Alison Connor told Bis-Serjetà after they had made it back out.
“We ran through corridor after corridor, looking in every room, but couldn’t find anything.
“Then, when we were on the verge of giving up, we found a door with a sign saying, “WARNING: DO NOT ENTER.” We were sure that’s where the extraterrestrials were.”
When the squad opened the door, they did not find a grey-green creature with a large head and bulging eyes, but what appeared to be a strange-looking human sat on a chair holding a cup of weak tea.
“We asked him if he was OK, but he just kept staring at us blankly. We asked him what his name was and he smiled creepily and said, “I’m going to be Prime Minister of Malta one day because I’m a good boy.””
“Then we told him we’d rescue him and he just repeated, “I’m going to be Prime Minister of Malta one day because I’m a good boy.” At that point we realised this was some kind of failed military experiment and ran out of there before it could kill us,”
A spokesperson for the US Air Force, which runs Area 51, said: “We categorically deny that CyMin-3000 exists. What even is a CyMin-3000 anyway?”
