By Karl Stennienibarra
The Government is putting contingency plans in place to deal with a possible influx of insufferable Maltese expats returning from the UK because of Brexit.
Home Affairs Minister Michael Farrugia unveiled the plans – code-named ‘Operation Użżobb Ġejjin Lura’ – at a press conference earlier today.
The announcement comes as British Prime Minister Theresa May and her cabinet continue their efforts to make Maltese politicians look competent by comparison.
“Obviously, having a bunch of smug twats who’ve been living in London for the past few years all coming back permanently is not something anyone wants,” Dr Farrugia said.
“It’s bad enough during Christmas time when the bastards come back and tell us how much better the wages are over there and how British people are more civilised.
“But because they’re Maltese, we can’t just leave them stranded out at sea, more’s the pity,” the minister lamented.
As part of the plans, a special village called Little England is being constructed in Bugibba.
“The large number of shitty British pubs and fat, red-faced Cockneys called Terry and Linda that already exist in the area should make the re-integration process a little less stressful,” Dr Farrugia explained.
Construction has also started on a special Tube simulator, a simpler version of the London Underground with only two stops, where Brexfugees can relive the joys of being stuck in a hot, crowded train carriage carriage.
The search is also underway to find an annoying guitarist who will remain in the carriage until he’s given enough money to go away. Lou Bondi and Owen Bonnici are currently the favourites to land the role.
Little England will also feature a fake Pret A Manger, a rain machine and several bars where you can pay €20 for a single vodka coke.
In addition, Brexfugees will also be given educational pamphlets, with such titles ‘Life’s Too Short To Queue’, ‘How To Speak To Someone In A Plain And Honest Way’, and ‘Readjusting To Blue Sky’.
Locals are also being prepared with an informational campaign on what to do if they encounter a Brexfugee.
“Avoid making direct eye contact with Brexfugees if they’re coming from London, and if you do end up in a conversation with one, make sure it’s about the weather, reality TV or football,” the TV advert says.
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