Hello <firstname>,
We regret to inform you that we are unable to show you the best article Bis-Serjetà has ever written, as well as the breathtaking cover photo, due to the outage Facebook is experiencing right now.
Words can’t describe how amazing it is. Except the word ‘amazing’. And possibly ‘outstanding’. But definitely not ‘non-existent’.
We can’t tell you what it’s about because of the error. But we can tell you that it involves Konrad Mizzi, an inflatable crocodile and an incident in the Bay of Biscay that the Tourism Minister desperately wants to remain secret. We really wish you could read it.
This is definitely not a cheap attempt at getting page views while Facebook is recovering from whatever has affected Mark Zuckerberg’s brain, which is where all Facebook data is stored.
Now that you mention it, today was already a good day, thanks to yesterday’s cocaine wedding story and Joseph Muscat’s opinion piece, both of which were definitely real despite some people accusing us of being fake news. For instance, here are some of the mean things people wrote when we posted the article on the group ‘Bongu Malta’:
We take accusation of fakery very seriously. If we ever caught Karl Stennienibarra making things up like Ivan Camilleri does at The Times, we’d flay him alive and feed him to the tigers in Ċaqnu’s illegal zoo. Ivan Camilleri, that is.
We firmly believe that cheating gets you nowhere. Except the White House.
And 10 Downing Street.
And the highest echelons of the European Union.
But the comments that hurt us the most were the following two:
Karl Stennienibarra is a god-fearing Catholic who goes to church every day, says his prayers before bed and still goes to Muzew despite being 45* years old.
And needless to say, he loves Malta, especially Tigné point, where as a youth he had a passionate encounter with Moira Palmier of The Salott fame.
By the way, we’re not sure what The Holy Eucharistic is. Presumably an 80s synthpop band.
Anyway, we apologise once again that Facebook has prevented you from reading the most amazing article in the world. Until next time.
*This is only his human age. He never reveals his actual age so as not to alarm people. In fact, the whole ‘god-fearing Catholic thing’ is also just a ruse, once again to avoid alarming people with the true extent of his supernatural powers, which frankly would make the Judeo-Christian God look like Vanni Pulé.
