A gaming company in Malta has ordered all its employees to turn gay ahead of tomorrow’s Pride March, in an attempt to outdo one of its competitors.
The HR department of MegaBettingSlots, a gaming company based in St Julians, yesterday sent a company-wide email to its staff with details of its requirements.
The email, which was forwarded to Bis-Serjetà by one of the company’s employees, reads:
“Hi everyone,
As you know, Pride Parade is coming up on Saturday. And while we know you’re all tolerant, liberal people, we need you go a step further.
We’ve learned that our fierce rivals, Super Slots Casino, are planning to bring over Ricky Martin to perform on top of their Pride float. Needless to say, our rainbow-coloured cupcakes are going to look pretty pathetic now.
Unfortunately, due to the short notice and our limited budget, we are unable to book a superior LGBT-friendly singer. This means we’ll have to outdo them in more creative ways.”
The email went on to say that, during Saturday’s parade, all male employees would be required to participate in mandatory anal sex sessions on top of the MegaBettingSlots float, while female employees should “cut their hair short, wear plaid shirts and scissor or something.”
“Failure to comply will result in instant dismissal. And before you think of taking this to an industrial tribunal, we’ve spoken to [Equality Minister] Edward Zammit Lewis and he’s totally cool with it. That man really loves the gays.
Looking forward to seeing all you queer folk there on Saturday, and don’t forget the poppers.”
Meanwhile, Zammit Lewis himself announced today that he has tattooed the rainbow flag onto his penis.
“Helena Dalli never tattooed a flag onto her genitals. What a casual she was,” he said.
