Since yesterday, a lot of people have been saying how gutted I must be because I missed out on a top EU post. So I thought I’d set the record straight on Malta’s best news website.
The truth is that I never wanted to be European Commission president, or European Council president, or any of the other prestigious roles that would have been a step up in my political career.
Seriously, I’m fine. I absolutely did not want to move to Brussels to earn a lucrative six-figure salary while escaping the neoliberal hell hole I helped to create in Malta.
I don’t regret taking Charles Michel to Serkin when he visited two years ago, instead of taking him to a crappy hunters’ snack bar in Mgarr where he could’ve easily gotten a fatal case of food poisoning. Congratulations Charles. I’m so happy for you.
And I certainly don’t regret not firing Konrad and Keith and making it seem like I was soft on corruption. I mean, I am soft on corruption but I should have hidden it better.
Non, je ne regrette rien.
Besides, I only narrowly missed out. Like Milan narrowly missed out on the Serie A title last season.
As Michelle always says after she’s finished her marathon swim, “Madonna kemm jisloħni das-swimming costume.”
You know, I’m actually looking forward to the next election campaign. I can’t wait to put on my monti hawker act to satisfy the crowds of braying idiots that turn up at Labour mass meetings, instead of attending high-level meetings to set the agenda for the entire continent.
I’m genuinely excited by the prospect of smashing Adrian Delia, or whichever cretin ends up leading the Nationalist Party, without even breaking a sweat. Effortlessly winning election after election on a tiny, inconsequential island because of the incompetence of my opponents certainly won’t ever become tedious.
Anyway, I’m going to my room to listen to some My Chemical Romance and throw darts at a picture of Simon Busuttil.
But I’m fine, honestly.
