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Let’s get shit-faced and sort all this out, say bishops

Malta’s bishops have delivered a reconciliatory message urging people to get shit-faced with them to sort out the country’s current political crisis.

“We can’t bear to see everyone fighting like this,” the Malta’s three bishops – Charles Scicluna, Mario Grech and Joseph Galea Curmi – said in a recorded video while sat a table laden with bottles of booze.

“So we’re inviting everyone to come down to the Curia tonight and get absolutely wasted so we can sort this all out once and for all. It’s what Jesus would want.

“We’ll put on some banging tunes and play some poker, a bit of FIFA, and sacramental-wine-pong [similar to beer pong but with chalices]. It’ll be fucking lit, fam,”

Mgr Scicluna said that while all alcohol would be provided, guests would need to bring their own snacks.

“The only thing we’d ask is for people to keep it down, since we’re so close to the police headquarters. They’ve already given us two warnings for disturbing the peace and have told us it’s three strikes and we’re out.”

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