Motorists in Malta are being urged to put condoms over their cars’ exhaust pipes to control the ever-increasing vehicle population on the island.
The directive was issued today by Transport Malta, after an EU report revealed that Malta has the fastest-growing car populations rates in Europe.
“When people drive cars, the exhaust fumes that are released into the air act like pollen. This exhaust pollen is then sucked in by other cars, and then nine months later you end up with a new baby car in the boot. Everyone knows this from PSD lessons,” a TM spokesperson said.
“So, because there are literally no other ways to reduce the number of cars on Maltese roads, we advise motorists to drive with protection at all times.
Transport Minister Ian Borg said he authorised the directive grudgingly.
“I’m a firm believer that every car should be free to orgasm its black spunk all over the place. But apparently some losers think we should have fewer vehicles on the roads. Probably because they’re too poor to afford one, or are bad at driving,” he said.
Many car enthusiasts are also less than happy with the directive.
“Car contraception is a form of abortion,” said Joseph Dingli.
“Today it’s exhaust-condoms, tomorrow we’ll ripping a half-formed car foetus out of the mummy car’s womb.”
