There are no statues of the Virgin Mary in Malta that are actually virgins, a study has shown.
The study was carried out by Professor Imona Jetski from the American University of Malta.
“We examined every single statue of the Virgin Mary in every church in every parish in Malta and discovered that each one – Marija Assunta, Madonna Tal-Karmnu, Madonna tal-Grazzja, Stella Maris and all the others – had traces of dried semen on them,” Prof. Jetski said.
“So when a group of festa enthusiasts sing vulgar songs about how their rivals’ Madonna is less of a virgin than their own, this is categorically untrue,” she added.
Prof. Jetski said she was not surprised by her findings.
“When you go to a festa and see how emotional people get when they see the statue, it’s understandable that a few enthusiasts get a bit too enthusiastic with their devotion once the celebrations are over and they have the church to themselves. It also explains why some statues appear to glisten in the light.”
Prof Jetski said the Marija Assunta statue of Mosta was the one most covered with semen.
“She is a certified hottie, to be fair.”
