The statue of Saint Venera has tested positive for Covid-19, in what is being called an anti-miracle.
The statue – housed in the parish church of Santa Venera – was tested after a priest witnessed the statue coughing and emitting diarrhoea, two of the symptoms of Covid-19.
The results of the swab test showed that the effigy of the second-century Gaulish martyr was indeed suffering from the coronavirus. It was immediately isolated from other statues and paintings in the church.
It is suspected the statue contracted the virus from someone who attended activities related to the feast of Santa Venera last week.
“As far as I know, she didn’t attend the Hotel Takeover party,” said parish priest Fr Umberto Calleja.
An expert from the Vatican, who arrived in Malta this afternoon to examine the statue, said he had never heard known a religious statue to fall ill.
“While it isn’t uncommon for a statue to cry totally real tears of blood, Covid-induced diarrhoea is a whole different ball game. I can only conclude that this is some sort of anti-miracle, a clear sign that the end times are upon us,” Cardinal Matteo Tonioli said.
Asked what could have caused this to happen, Tonioli said:
“Probably the gays.”
