Something has happened at your workplace. Do you take responsibility for it, or palm it off to someone else? The answer isn’t always straightforward.
Luckily, politicians all over the world make decisions like these on a near-daily basis, and Maltese politicians are no exception. So we asked them to write a guide for the rest of us…
If something bad happens and it’s related to your department
You didn’t personally do the bad thing, so why should you have to carry the can? You’re only the person in charge, for crying out loud.
Treat any suggestion you should resign with complete bafflement. Ree-zine? What is that, Hebrew?
As a sign of your magnanimity, promise to review the circumstances that allowed for the bad thing to happen. Then, you can either throw some small fry under the bus to satisfy the public’s thirst for blood, or even better, do nothing.
Point out that similar bad things happened under previous administrations too. Whataboutism is all the rage at the moment. Cheers to Russia for inventing that.
In the unlikely event that the pressure to resign becomes unbearable, make sure to secure a consultancy role before you step down. If you were smart, you also have millions of euros worth of kick-backs squirrelled away in a hidden account. Enjoy!
If something good happens and it’s related to your department
Shoulder that responsibility like you’re Atlas holding up the heavens, even if all the work was done by your employees while you were out having lunch with big businessmen.
Act as if every completed project or new initiative, no matter how small, is the equivalent of building a pyramid on the moon.
Organise a press conference every time a new brick is laid on the aforementioned lunar wonder (that’s actually a pavement).
Spend a shit-ton of taxpayers’ money on Facebook advertising so that everyone may look upon your works. And while you’re on Facebook, why not share a photo of your family to show how relatable you are?
Wank off to yourself in the mirror while reading fawning comments from your supporters. You’ve earned it.
