Karl Stennienibarra
Every single University of Malta lecture theatre and classroom is currently in the process of being converted into a garage, in a last-ditch attempt to solve the institution’s longstanding parking crisis.
As students left their last lectures of the day this evening, bulldozers smashed their way into Sir Temi Zammit Hall and began ripping out the interior of the building.
Once the ground was cleared and levelled, workers put down a layer of tarmac and painted several parking-bay lines.
The process was repeated in buildings all over campus, from large lecture halls like Mikiel Anton Vassalli, to smaller classrooms like those of the Old Humanities Building.
The only building left untouched is that which houses the Architecture faculty, after five workers who went in to survey the structure two hours ago have not yet managed to find their way out again.
“We cannot allow something as trivial as higher education to get in the way of students’ inalienable right to find a parking space,” University rector Prof. Alfred J. Vella told Bis-Serjetà, while standing in front of several skips full of library books, their former home now being transformed into a multi-storey car park.
“One day soon, these young people will graduate, and we need to give them the parking skills they’ll need to succeed in what is a highly competitive vehicular society.”
KSU President Carla Galea said that while the solution was not ideal, it was the only one available.
“As I’ve told the media already, students can’t change their mentality in a couple of days,” she said on the 5,478th day since that sentence was first uttered while referring to students’ over-reliance on cars.
UoM students themselves were delighted by the dramatic increase in the number of parking spaces.
“I’m really looking forward to not having to attend anatomy lectures after I’ve parked my car in what used to be the Anatomy building,” said 1st year medical student Steven Axiak.
“Can you imagine what my friends would say if they saw me coming to University in a…eugh I can barely say the word without throwing up…bus?” said 2nd year law student Chiara Tabone.
As part of the new set-up, all University lecturing staff are being re-trained as car park attendants.
“To be fair I’ll probably earn more this way,” said former Department of Philosophy head Prof. Paul Mangon, before launching into a deontological argument for why he should be given a €2 tip.
