The Water Services Corporation has informed members of the public that it knows they aren’t showering as much due to the Covid-19 pandemic.
“All you working-from-home people think your secret is safe. But we know. Oh, we know,” WSC CEO Ivan Falzon said.
“Did you seriously think we wouldn’t notice that you’re showering less because you aren’t going out? We, who have reams of data on Malta’s water consumption? You fools – of course we notice. We notice, and we judge.
“No one can smell you during your Zoom meetings but we know you absolutely reek, you dirty bastards. You yourselves probably don’t even realise, you’ve been stewing in your own stinking miasmas for so long now. If a canary flew into your homes, it would drop dead instantly.”
Falzon went on to reveal another water-consumption trend.
“You’d think the lack of bathing would be somewhat masked by the increased hand-washing we’re all supposed to be doing these days. But it turns out you aren’t even doing that as much as you were in the beginning, because hygiene is just a fad to you, isn’t it? You filthy, grimy, foul creatures.”
