Hello and welcome to the first inaugural Bis-Serjetà Sunday Round-up, in which we look at all the totally sane and normal things that happened in Malta over the past week…
Monday
Monday started on a positive note, with the news that a Maltese man had been promoted from a Bro to a Sbejjah.
After we reported that the Maltese Male Hierarchy of Endearment was ‘Man > Chalie > Kuġin > Bro > Sbejjaħ > Bello > Qalbi > Boss > Kink > Dnegel’, members of the Bis-Serjetà Hardcore Fans Facebook group speculated what the Maltese Female Hierarchy of Endearment might be, with the following being suggested:
Hi>Sis>Babe>Sweety>Luv>Qalbi>Hanini>Pupa>Mazza
But as with all debates in Malta that involve issues affecting women, a woman did not take part.
Meanwhile, Matsec announced that Systems of Knowledge would soon be replaced with Systems of Ignorance.
Teachers also expressed their opposition to the new requirement that sixth form students must learn a foreign language.
“They can barely speak English and Maltese properly. And don’t get me started on spelling, for fuck’s sake,” one teacher said.
In entertainment news, NET announced a new TV show…
Tuesday
Tuesday’s main event was of course Isle of MTV. While thousands of young people gathered at the Fosos to watch their favourite acts, one middle-aged man wondered when the concert’s organisers would finally bring over Bon Jovi.
Isle of MTV wasn’t the only concert that took place that evening. As many as 40 young Christians descending on Imdina to attend the more Isle of RTK, while unbearable prog metal snobs were also catered for by Dream Theater (more on that shortly).
Meanwhile, as the country roasted in a heatwave, the Malta Police Force issued a guide on how to drive in extremely hot weather.
In politics, Joseph Muscat listed four other things he’d recently discovered aside from the shocking revelation that Neville Gafa had been working in his office since the start of the year.
Wednesday
The Isle of MTV news didn’t let up on Wednesday, which started with the head of the government’s Cleansing Department making a snarky yet apparently popular comment…
Isle of MTV goers and Dream Theater fans were also furious after the organisers of the two concerts swapped venue at the last minute without telling them.
As music fans were fuming, the government revealed that a recent spate of power outages were not due to increased demand for electricity, but were an effort to make their ‘Power Cut Challenge’ go viral.
Thursday
Thursday started in controversial fashion. After it was reported that a Macedonian government official had called Maltese people ‘crooks’ in a leaked telephone conversation, Prime Minister Joseph Muscat replied by saying that, if he thought Macedonians thought Maltese people were crooked, they’d clearly never met a Gozitan.
People who commented on the story on Facebook can be placed in three broad categories:
- Gozitan people who said: “How dare Muscat say such horrible things about Gozo?”
- Maltese people who said, “Yup, that’s pretty accurate.”
- Gozitan people who said, “Yup, that’s pretty accurate.”
Deciding he had nothing better to do on a Saturday afternoon, BS managing editor Karl Stennienibarra challenged Michelle Muscat to a swim race around the entire Mediterranean.
Michelle hasn’t yet replied to Karl’s challenge, although she did complete her swim from Mellieha to Cirkewwa yesterday. Reports of a school of sharks being scared off when she smiled at them have yet to be confirmed.
Later in the day, a poll by the Malta Parents Association revealed that yelling “Aqtagħha għax nifqagħlek snienek” was the best parenting technique as voted for by Maltese mums and dads.
Friday
As tends to be the case, Friday was a quiet day for news. However, Labour did reveal that Instagram is a PN-owned company, after it deleted the accounts of Muscat’s twin daughters.
Meanwhile, a woman short on cash expressed her hope that Facebook’s Top Fan badges would soon become legal currency.
